In the late eighties, I was homeschooling three of my children. My second grader was sitting at her desk reading her story from her textbook. When she completed her assignment, she came to me very disturbed and upset. She proceeded to tell me she did not like the ending to the story and she was going to tear out the page and insert her ending. The story told of a little boy and a lamb. The little boy loved the lamb and they became inseparable. Day after day they played together, but one day his father said it was time to sell the lamb. Unfortunately, much to the little boy's dismay, the father sold the lamb to another farmer. After my daughter made her adjustments to the story, the little boy and the little lamb lived together happily ever after. My daughter's ending makes our heart happy, but in real life, it is not an option to rewrite and insert a different ending. In real life, pain and disappointment have to be addressed. 

In the fall of 2018 at the age of 27 and just a few months before he was to be wed, the doctors informed my son, David, he was born with a heart defect. He had a bicuspid valve that did not allow for proper sealing. He was told in the future he would need heart surgery to replace this valve. However, his condition worsened quickly, and surgery became necessary earlier than we had expected. So, almost seven months after he was married, he had open heart surgery on May 17, 2019. After surgery, the doctor said everything went great. It was a textbook perfect surgery. We thought David was on his way to healing. I dreaded his recovery knowing he would suffer, but never once entertained the thought that it would take his life. I had prayed and trusted Jesus to bring healing to his body. However, May 31st, fourteen days post-surgery, David passed in his sleep. I was devastated. He received healing but not the healing this mama wanted. This is not the way the story would have ended if I had the pen. Now, how would I respond to the worst day of my life? 

Could the love of God rescue me from my brokenness? Because I had experienced God's love and faithfulness in the past, I chose to trust His love and faithfulness to rescue me in the present and in the future. I had to surrender to my Heavenly Father's will praying not my will Father, but Your will be done and believe David's passing was for a greater glory than his physical healing.  

After submitting to the Father's will, I had to keep my heart focused on Jesus and heaven. Listening to worshipful music and studying God's Word helped keep my eyes looking up. I hungered for the Word of God. Several mornings I would wake up anxiously and feel the weight of mourning on me, but I knew if I would get out of bed and seek God with full expectation of meeting Him in His Word and rest in His presence, I would receive hope and a joy that passes all understanding. He never failed me. 

One morning as I was studying God's Word in a women's bible study, the author of the study taught a lesson from Exodus 16 on how God provided manna for the Israelites when they were exiles in the desert. The Lord told Moses He would rain manna from heaven in the morning, and they were to gather as much as they needed for that day. 

What God provided physically in the Old Testament, Jesus provides spiritually now.  

Jesus says in John 6:35,

 

"I am the Bread of Life, he who comes to Me will not hunger...”

He satisfies our soul.  

 

Please know God did not drop the manna on their kitchen tables. They had to gather it. In the same manner, we have to go to Jesus to gather the manna He provides. Revelation 3:20 says,

 

"Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him and he with Me."

We can commune with Him. 

 

God also said in Exodus 16:7,

 

"and in the morning you will see the glory of the LORD..."

We can experience His glorious presence.  

 

I experienced the glory of the LORD. I experienced God. His glory is Who He is. His presence of love, kindness, and goodness embraced me every morning. Psalm 34:18,

 

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." 

 

Oh, how I longed each morning and day to fellowship with Jesus! He was so near.

 

"Let me hear your lovingkindness in the the morning; for I trust in You." Psalm 143.8 

 

The lyrics from the song, "The Hurt and the Healer," by MercyMe, could be my testimony; "Where glory meets my suffering, I'm alive, even though a part of me has died, You take my heart and breathe it back to life. I'll fall into Your arms open wide, when the hurt and the Healer collide." 

I collided with the Healer Jesus. Because I trusted in Him, I experienced the glory of His loving kindness and came alive! 

In this life, my story has a devastating ending, but the truth is my story is not finished. It has a powerful ending. As Paul says, we grieve not as those without hope. Our hope is in the Third Day! On the third day Jesus rose from the dead. He defeated death. Death no longer has a hold of us. He is our Resurrected King! When we believe in Him even though we die, we shall live! The Resurrected King is resurrecting me daily! 

My son is now in the very presence of Jesus and someday my family and I will join him. Together we will experience a new heaven and a new earth where Jesus reigns forever and ever! No man could ever write the story God is unfolding for all of us. We must trust in Him and believe His ways are higher than our ways!

 

 

Author: Tonia Nolen

 

 

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Redefined exists to serve survivors of domestic sex trafficking and other at-risk women and girls by equipping them with life skills, meaningful employment, and ongoing support. Learn more about our mission at Hope Center Indy at hopecenterindy.org.

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